I write a lot on my BadRedhead Media blog about taking responsibility for ourselves, whether that’s as writers, in book marketing, or heck, in life in general. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (and advocate for others), I never refer to myself or other survivors as victims, only survivors. Some of us are even thrivers!
From Failure To Success
Many people get stuck in victim mode, and I get it. Sometimes, life is hard, man. Mental health issues, pain, family relationships, finances — all very real obstacles to finding our zen. Yet, some of us keep going, keep striving, never giving up. What is different between those who stay down in the deep, and those who keep going?
Today, I’m focusing on writing and being an author. In my business, I interact with writers daily, whether that’s as peers, clients, or the authors in the imprint I direct. Some are on it — they comprehend fully that being an author is a business. Others, not so much.
They still believe book sales will mysteriously appear out of the sky as if lit by tiny little fairies spraying magic dust out of their tiny little arses, despite my tough love wake-up calls to the contrary (sometimes, I’m not very popular with my authors).
Let’s deconstruct.
Bill Walsh’s 10 rules for Failure:
· Expect defeat and don’t be surprised when it happens.
· Force yourself to stop looking back on the past.
· Allow yourself some time to recover and mourn your loss. But not too long.
· Tell yourself you are going to stand and fight again. You’re actually far closer to your destination than you can imagine.
· Prepare yourself for the next encounter. Your next battle. One game at a time.
· Don’t ask “why me?”
· Don’t expect sympathy from others.
· Don’t complain.
· Don’t keep accepting condolences from others.
· Don’t blame others.
Let’s deconstruct a few of these as they relate to our writing careers, and I’ll share my own stories…
Don’t Expect Sympathy From Others
Raise your hand if you’ve received a bad review. *Raises hand*
I’m no different than you. I’ve received many, many poor reviews on all of my books, particularly my first two (I have four out now). It hurts, particularly when you’re a newbie author and someone says horrible things about your precious book you’ve spent years, hours, and tears laboring over. How dare somebody not understand our personal experiences, the blood, sweat, and tears we’ve poured into this novel or memoir? Seriously, what the fuck?
It’s even worse when someone makes ad hominem (aka, personal) attacks on us which have nothing at all to do with the material. Or maybe they didn’t even read or finish the book, and still leave a review. What’s that about? Of course it’s personal! Gawd.
So, as we humans are wont to do, we rally our troops. “Did you see this awful review I got? Can you go make a comment?” and as our troops are wont to do to support us because they adore and hang on our every word (or so we believe), they immediately run over and leave a heartfelt comment berating this reviewer or reader for daring to express their hatred of our work. Who do these reviewers they think they are, having their own views and expressing them, after paying good money for a book? What is this, America?
Get Over Yourself
Ridiculous, right? It’s not at all personal, folks.
When you step away from the emotion of the situation, we sound like whiny babies and there’s a good reason for that. We are. We are acting unprofessionally. Publishing a book is an adult achievement, in a big grown-up world. So, grow up. Stop whining, and stop asking for people to feel sorry for you.
Believe in Yourself
Do you believe in your work? Your story? Your ability to write? Then stop taking it personally. One (or two hundred) bad reviews make little difference in your ability to sit down at a computer to write, unless you are that insecure (and that’s something you need to work through with your therapist or your cat). If you can open yourself up enough to learn from those reviews, great! Maybe you will become a better writer for it. Move on.
My experience: When I wrote my first two satirical humor books, I received a number of 1-2 star reviews from people who took my humor literally, calling me all kinds of terrible names, even making assumptions about my personal life. Even my own sister made a derogatory comment at one point. Hell yea, that hurt!
I realized, pretty quickly, after seeking sympathy from my writer peers for a pity party of crabcakes and melted chocolate, that nothing I said or did would change people’s perceptions of my work. I even learned a few things that helped my writing, once I got off my high horse. I matured as a person and as a writer once I faced the fact that the work is out there in the world. I’m no longer invited to the party, but there’s a kind of beauty in that:
I elicited an emotion in people, compelling enough for them to write a review railing against me or the work. That’s a win! *fist pump*
Some writers get to that same place just as quickly, others never do
It’s up to you to decide: how professional, and how serious, are you about this writing gig?
Don’t Blame Others
Wow, this is a huge one. Accepting responsibility is such a life skill, isn’t it? But, it goes two ways. Let me explain.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I do not accept responsibility for my abuser’s actions, as no survivor ever needs to feel compelled to.
People don’t sexually abuse themselves.
Despite that, the amount of “victim-blaming” that happens in our culture is pathetic. “What did you do to fight back?” I’m often asked. Well, he was 6’6″ and had a gun. I was 11 years old and weighed maybe 80 pounds, so….
Change Your Success Paradigm
Those questions don’t take into account the psychological, emotional, and mental components either, i.e., grooming. Ignorance is one of the main reasons I speak openly about my story (writing Broken Pieces and Broken Places), created a forum for others (#SexAbuseChat on Twitter every Tuesday 6pm PST), the #NoMoreShame Anthologies, and am currently writing Broken People for my new publisher, ShadowTeamsNYC.
While I do blame my abuser for abusing me, and I take no responsibility in what happened, I also have turned around the ‘blame’ into something positive.
Blame Is Anger — Turn it Around
When it comes to book sales, I hear from authors daily that it’s someone else’s fault their books aren’t selling. They blame readers, their publishing company, the stock market, the genre, their dog. Well, I’ve got news for you, author friends: books sales comes down to just a few things:
- How well-done is your book? (written, edited, formatted, cover-designed…all of it) and
- How well are you connecting with readers through your book marketing efforts?
and those are your responsibility.
True life experience: I recently created a Gravity-only promotion for all my Gravity Imprint authors. Not all participated (life stuff), and those who did saw great results! By participated, I mean:
- shared one another’s tweets/shares,
- advertised,
- guest blogged,
- paid newsletters,
- connecting with readers, reviewers, and book bloggers,
- got reviews —
- basically, did the work!
and guess what? They did amazing: increased sales, better rankings, more followers.
Conversely, those who did very little or didn’t participate at all obviously did not see those kinds of results and aren’t very happy about it. As a group, we discuss what they could have done differently, but ultimately, the responsibility lies on them to market their own work. *The Gravity Imprint will be closing as of May 31, 2016 due to our publisher Booktrope shutting down.*
Prepare Yourself for the Next Encounter
Probably the most important point, in my mind. Like the old cliché to get back up on the horse, one failure can’t make you afraid to try again. I see this a lot with authors, who are intimidated by social media; they tell themselves they can’t do it (fear), so they don’t do it for one reason or another: time, money, knowledge (still fear), and when they do finally, tentatively try it, they’re so terrified, they run away and don’t ever go back (fear, fear, fear).
Don’t be the mouse.
This happens a lot, by the way, with Twitter. How many of you have opened a Twitter account but never used it? Have no idea what to do with it? You realize, you can go into Twitter’s Help Section (which is fabulous, by the way), and spend 30 minutes reading all the basics, right? Or Google some articles from Mashable, Social Media Examiner, Buffer, or Hootsuite blogs on tips, right? Google is your friend.
This way, you’ll be prepared for the next time you go into Twitter. You’ll understand how to use it strategically to connect with readers (which it’s great for, by the way), and not as a hard-selling tool (not so great).
Stop Talking About It. Do It.
My experience: when I first took my books free (on Amazon, for KDP Select), I just ya know, took them free. I expected huge downloads, and when the books ported by over to paid, major sales. And…ha. Nothing. Very few downloads, fewer sales.
What did I do wrong? I see a lot of authors moaning about how KDP Select doesn’t work, but when I ask them what they did to work it, they are stumped. “What do you mean?” they ask me, having no idea they needed to do anything.
After my dismal failure, I studied, researched, read a lot of blog posts by authors I respected who were doing quite well. What did I learn? They created buzz around their free days. They spent money for a free promotion, which seemed kind of crazy to me, but in the end, the efforts have paid off. Broken Pieces has been #1 or #2 on the paid Women’s Poetry list on Amazon since last November, and #2 or #3 on Women Authors, as well as Top #30 on Memoirs, and Broken Places has also done quite well.
(To learn what I did, read my book marketing post on BadRedhead Media and sign up for my newsletter).
Have a Plan
Even if your book marketing plan is just a few scribbles on a napkin, that’s better than nothing. Have some idea of what your goals are, whether that’s to:
- connect with readers daily on social media by discussing topics of great importance to you, or
- commenting on your favorite book bloggers’ posts three times weekly, or
- finding reviewers in your genre and politely writing five personalized query letters every week, or
- blogging twice weekly or
- planning a monthly giveaway…whatever.
Sales don’t simply fall out of the sky, cats don’t make very good therapists (though they are very soft and good for cuddles), and there’s no big red EASY button, despite what you see on TV. Turn your haphazard non-plan into a focused set of goals, and you can kick your lack of preparedness to the curb for good.
Now go kick some ass! (Or have a cookie, and then figure out Twitter. Whatever.)
Purchase Broken Pieces and Broken Places on Amazon now! Learn more about all of Rachel’s books here.
Connect with Rachel for social media services on BadRedheadMedia.com.